Puzzle Pieces
by slicethepainaway
Summary: When Edward left, Bella found no sunshine. Instead, she seeped into a depression much deeper than imaginable and turned to self-harm. Months later, Edward has returned to find a broken Bella. Can he put his love back together again?


_THE BLADE FLIRTED WTH THE LINING OF MY VEINS, BRUSHING AGAINST THE PALE FLESH SLOWLY. I ALLOWED THE SHARP RAZOR TO TRAIL ALONG THE LENGTH OF MY ARM, TAKING DEEP BREATHS. I DIDN'T KNOW IF I WAS ABLE TO GO THROUGH WITH THIS. SOMETHING ECHOED FROM THE DEEPEST END OF MY MIND "DON'T DO IT." THE VOICE WHISPERED TO ME._

_IT WAS HIS VOICE, SWEET AND GENTLE, VELVETY, PERFECTION. I WINCED AT THE SOUND, NEARLY TEMPTED TO DIG THE BLADE INTO MY FLESH. BUT I RESTRAINED, SUCKING IN A DEEP INTAKE OF BREATH._

_I BIT DOWN HARSHLY ON MY BOTTOM LIP, PULLING THE BLADE AWAY FROM MY SKIN. THE VOICE, HIS VOICE, WAS CORRECT. I SHOULDN'T DO THIS TO MYSELF. GOING TO SUCH MEASURES WON'T MAKE ME FEEL ANY BETTER. IT WON'T EASE MY PAIN. TO PURPOSELY HURT MYSELF, TO FEEL THE TRICKLE OF WARM BLOOD FLOW DOWN MY ARM, THAT WON'T BRING EDWARD BACK IN THE LEAST OF SENSES._

_NOTHING CAN OR WILL._

_I CLOSED MY EYES, FEELING THEM WELL UP WITH TEARS. EDWARD'S LAST FEW WORDS CAME TO MIND. THE HARSHNESS OF HIS VOICE, AS HE DENIED ME, AS HE DISOWNED ME. I FELT SEVERAL TEARS EMERGE FROM MY IRISES, FALLING ONTO MY CHEEKS. WORDS SO TERRIBLE I COULD HAVE ONLY RETRIEVED THEM FROM MY MOST FEARFUL OF NIGHTMARES A FEW WEEKS AGO. BUT THIS WAS NOT A FEW WEEKS AGO. THIS WAS NOT SOME NIGHTMARE I WOULD EVENTUALLY WAKE UP FROM._

_THIS WAS THE PRESENT. AND THE PRESENT WAS FAR MORE WORSE._

_SUDDENLY, A FLOOD OF IMAGES FILLED MY BRAIN. THE LAST IMAGES. OF EDWARD WALKING AWAY. THE COLD KISS TO MY FOREHEAD AS A PARTING GESTURE, LACKING OF ANY LOVE OR EMOTION. HIS HARSH WORDS. THEY ALL CAME BACK TO ME AT THAT MOMENT, BOOMING FROM THE BACK OF MY MIND, TAKING SOME KIND OF HOLD OF ME, IN WHICH I HAD NO SORTS OF CONTROL._

_IT SEEMED TO BE INVOLUNTARY, AS THE BLADE WAS CRUSHED TO MY SKIN BY MY OWN HAND. BUT IT DIDN'T FEEL LIKE ME AT ALL. IT FELT AS IF SOMETHING, SOMETHING COMPLETELY FOREIGN AND LOATHING AND HORRID HAD TAKEN OVER ME. AND I WAS JUST THE HOST TO THIS PARASITE. QUICKLY, THE SKIN BROKE, AND BRIGHT TRICKLES OF BLOOD ESCAPED FROM THE VEINS OF MY WRIST, FLOODING OUT SLOW AT FIRST, AND THEN PROCEEDING TO A QUICKER SPEED._

_SURPRISINGLY, I DIDN'T FLINCH AWAY. I DIDN'T CRY ANYMORE OR FEEL THE PAIN I HAD FELT ONLY MERE MILISECONDS AGO. THERE WAS NO ACHE FOR EDWARD, OR ANY EMOTIONAL AT ALL. THERE WAS NOTHING._

_I HAD THOUGHT ONLY MOMENTS AGO THAT CUTTING INTO MY FLUSH WOULD HAVE NO EFFECT BUT HURT. FOR THE MOST PART, MY ASSUMPTIONS WERE CORRECT. THE RIVER OF BLOOD SPEWING FROM THE CUT DID NOT BRING EDWARD BACK. BUT I HAD ALSO THOUGHT THAT IT WOULDN'T EASE THE PAIN OR MAKE ME FEEL ANY BETTER._

_BUT AS THE CRIMSON LIQUID RAN DOWN MY ARM, AS I LOOKED AT MY BLEEDING WRIST DEAD ON, FELT THE BURN AND THE PAIN THROUGH MY VEINS, I REALIZED ONE THING IN PARTICULAR. I WAS WRONG._

-  
The sun stayed out longer during the months of spring and summer. It was such an odd transition. From finally getting used to the moon being risen into the sky by as early as six o'clock, to the sun shining until nearly nine. It was odd that I took notice of this factor, when it had been a known fact to me for years. I suppose I had just never really thought much of it. Seasons change. It's far less dramatic then when people do. Only subconciously noticeable.

I watched as the sun lowered into the sky, making way for the moon. The gorgeous oranges and pinks of the sunset filled my bedroom, coming through my open window. I sighed, prolonging the rise of the moon. Although gorgeous and surely worth the sight, the sunset was somewhat tiresome to me at the moment. I wished for only my moon.

Laughing lightly, I realized it was most likely because Edward was due to return from his family's when the lunar sphere became more active. His return had been over a month ago. But it continued to be antsy hours throughout his few departures.

But of course, he had hunting and his family complained if he didn't make a short visit at least once a week. I felt guilty about keeping him away from them for such long periods of time, of course but it was just too difficult for me at this point to be away from him for too long. He took much notice to that, fulfilling my every need, staying by my side for days at a time.

I was well aware how ridiculous this neediness was. Day after day, time after time; insecurity after insecurity; he assured me he had no plans of ever leaving me again. But to be truthful, I didn't know if this schedule was malleable in any way. I'm sure it's annoying to have such a clingy girlfriend, but what am I supposed to do? This behaviour isn't capable of change, at least, not at the moment.

In Edward's months away, I had gone into such a dark place. It was difficult to look back into that stage. It had only been the visit from Alice after I'd jumped off a cliff, in attempted suicide, and Edward's near threat of suicide, himself to set me into gear and rescue him from himself.

And then it was when he had recited his love for me still and his permanent that had helped me emerge from my depression.

Ever since, I couldn't go without 24 hours of Edward. And I wasn't sure how to adjust to anything of difference.

I let out a long sigh, breaking my position of sitting on my window sill. I stepped quietly across the room, before flopping down on my bed. My eyelids began to shut, ever so slightly, before I heard a voice. "Sleepy already, love?"

I jumped up, my eyes flashing open, engulfing deep breaths to try and regain my composure. He smiled a sad smile, and emerged from the dark corner of my bedroom, stepping forward and showing his beautiful self.

His normally tousled bronze hair was even more unkempt looking than usual, sticking out every which way in a messy, although extremely sexy on him way. Edward made the black t-shirt and ordinary dark jeans look marvelous in every possible venue. Straight out of a magazine, his beautiful features were nearly ridiculous. Although gorgeous as Edward ever was, the coal black irises were prominent in his eyes. Obviously, his trip had not contained any hunting.

He frowned down at me, continuing to take quick, careful steps toward me. "I'm sorry to scare you, Bella. I didn't mean to." He smiled lightly then, genuinely, reaching enough distance from his earlier position to take me into his arms.

I smiled as I was crushed to him, breathing in his musky scent, mumbling an "It's fine." as we embraced each other. Each time he held me to him like this, it was as if it were brand new once again. Every feature, every scent, evey touch. As if he were brand new and I could explore every provided inch of him as if it were the first time we had ever touched one another.

I guess that came with the still flowing excitement of our reunion.

"I missed you." I breathed into his shirt.

Edward held me tighter, pecking a kiss on the top of my head. "I missed you more," He joked, breaking away from the hug to look at me, briefly before gently bringing us down on my bed. He held me to his chest, our legs entwining together.

I smirked, settling into his arms. "As if it were possible." I muttered.

He gazed down at me, grinning a small grin. "Well, I think you'd find it was." He murmured and before I could put up any argument, he mad a sly change to the subject. "How are you?" His velvety voice leaked of sincerity, although I could detect the sad hint.

I broke his gaze, clearing my throat lightly. His question seemed almost... awkward. I was well aware how careful he always attempted to be with me, not only physically, but emotionally, as well. It was as if I was a ticking time bomb, ready to explode at any moment. As if I were a fragile antique, any prodding too rough would shatter me. I hated it. But it was to be expected. Coyly, I slipped my wrists underneath my comforter.

"I'm fine." I answered. Quite used to saying the words in the months that he was away, I knew the bitterness of how the lie tasted in my mouth, in my throat. But this... was a different species of lie. I was fantastic, lying here in his arms, his pressence, alone, was enough to set a stupid grin on my face for hours at a time. But that sounded somewhat abnormal coming out of my lips.

Edward lifted my chin so that our eyes met, once more. He planted a loving kiss on my lips, stretching his hands down to my waist, curling around my body, pressing me closer to him. Hesitantly, I lifted my hands from their hiding place, beneath the blanket, and slanked them around his neck, kissing him hungrily, eagerly and then he pulled away.

I frowned.

He let out several staggering breaths, attempting to regain control, I supposed. He had often said how awful it was... the control. I wasn't burdoned with the need to be careful. So I couldn't fully understand what it was he went through.

Edward freed me from his hands, much to my dismay and glanced over his shoulder at the clock radio resting on my nightstand. The large crimson letters read: 9:47 P.M. He let out a long sigh, returning his gaze to me. "You have school tomorow, Bella." He noted, brushing a few stray hairs from my face.

"Do I have to go?" I whined, childishly, with a slight smirk on my face.

He smiled lightly and nodded, resting a hand on my cheek. "Yes, love... you do have to go." His smile faded. "There's not a month left." Edward reminded me, glancing down, at my unshielded wrists. I turned them over, sheepishly, so that the palms of my hands were pressed against the sheets. "You need to graduate."

I swallowed, wishing my scars would dissapear and then nodded. I didn't argue that it wasn't even 10:00. I didn't speak again, for I was too ashamed. Something told me I shouldn't be, that his leaving was the reason for this, that HE should feel ashamed, but that was the selfish section of my brain speaking up. And I shut it out. My eyes flickered shut and I faked a long yawn, although I wasn't truly tired, in the least of sense.

But to my surprise, long before I thought I would find rest, I did, seeping into a deep sleep, thank God, with no nightmares, with no dreams, whatsoever.


End file.
